change

so one of the words that just kept on settling itself upon me during the conference was the word "seasons." As I have observed my life since I've been back, I feel like I have been a little slammed with change. Maybe after being in a bit of a comotose state just working and living and all of that for the summer, maybe just getting back has been right at this huge time of flux. I don't know. All I know is that as for as relationships and institutions and plans, i am learning more and more that we cannot hold on to anything. That all we have is today. And I have been feeling hit a little hard by all of it. I feel like I have a lot of questions, a lot of gray areas that I just haven't figured out yet. And I have been asking Abba to make me more comfortable with the questions than the answers, so maybe i'm just getting what I deserve. Whatever it is, it feels good, but it feels deep and hard sometimes. It makes me feel little and lost and kind of like I am wandering around in this open place with my face to the sky as the rain pours down, filling my mouth and my eyes.

And have also been asking this question: What is commitment if everything is changing anyway? Where is the line between die-hard commitment and allowing things to be given and taken away. I do not understand this and I do not know what actions I am supposed to take. Maybe i just have attachement problems. I don't know. All I know is that sometimes change can be very difficult and all I can do is cling on to the one who I know never changes...