This is a rant. If you don't like rants, please feel free to skip this Blog until next time. I totally understand.

I'm feeling alone today. Empty. I don't know. Like no one understands and I put up this wall so no one will. Its like my live revolves around..I don't know. I feel lost and confused. What am I supposed to be doing? What is living? Stress. Anxiety. Aloneness.

I want to be in a place where I don't feel alone. I don't feel rejected. Where I am just free to be. Nothing false. No past or hurt or pain to hold me back from being who it is that I am. Right now I feel trapped in fakeness. Hiding. In the dark. I begin to come out, to cry for help and I get run over. Absolutely run over. Big fat wheel tracks, boot-tracks, paw prints on my face- while i stand tall. It hurts. Its like I'm just invisible. Not here. I've wrapped myself so tighly in stuff, work, whatever. So how do i reach out? I don't know. I don't know how to reach out. I don't really want to. It seems so much easier to crawl back into the shell away from the buldozers, the big fat boots, the wild animals. but it hurts anyway. like i start to come out and I get stuffed back in. Brushed aside. And you point out the fact that you've been brushed aside and then you just get a label slapped on you. You are just tired. Your not hungry, your tired. You are being a teenager. You have senioritis. You need to care more about my feelings. You'll be fine. Get that out of the fridge, would you? So, here I am, jammed in this box with a big sticker stuck across it. ITs just one of those cheap labels that you can print on one of those old dot-matrix printers that she uses to put on tupperwares in the freezer so she can keep the beans and the meat separated. But it gets wet and becomes ingrained in me. Why doesn't anyone hear me? Like I don't deserve to be hurting or have problems. There are more important things to worry about like chemistry homework and dinner. Thats how I feel. like me being a person takes second place to be accepted to the right school or getting the big scholarship. All this getting stuffed back in the box will be worth it once I don't have to worry about paying for college. I'd rather be in debt for the rest of my life than to be ignored, brushed aside, trampled, and shamed for simply wanting to be heard. I am so sick of it. tired. worn out. Its not my fault.