Since YLI, I cannot get this idea of co-creators out of my heart. Its like this word just keeps echoing through my heart, resonating inside my head. Its this idea that the things that we love the most are the things that we are able to share with others, this inborn desire to... I don't even know... co-create. Maybe its just my personality, my mentality, the way God has got me wired. Something in me just keeps saying over and over co-creators, like a beautiful whisper. Not one of those aching desires you just can't reach, its just hanging there. Thats not even what this post is really about, but i just wanted to put that out there becuase its just been swimming around for a while and just the nature of the longing needs to be expressed.

So the real post... So tomorrrow I am going to somehow make it through my classes and then I am home! As I was thinking tonight, there are a lot of things just weighing on my heart that just need to be let go of.

I had the beautiful priveledge of talking to a very dear and old friend who has had quite a semester following a dream that didn't seem to be everything she hoped for. As I was talking with her over the phone, I was just overtaken by almost this sense of jealousy becuase she was just so much at peace, so much just fallen into the arms of her Abba. Do you ever talk to those people and you know, even if they don't say it in specific words, that they have this immense trust, that they are so far from worry its breathtaking? And I thought to myself, she has had such a challenge and she has so many reasons to be afraid and worrying, and yet, its like she's gone so far past herself that all she can do is trust.

And who am I? What do I have to worry about? Why am I still in this self-reliant state, with tense muscles, poised and ready to fight the battles that God wants to so something awsome with. I want that trust; I think I have that trust, but its burried deep, under the more surfacy "what if's" and the "what abouts."

I have a lot of anxieties about this summer, the next four years, how its all going to pan out. There are a lot of things like living and working and going to classes and still hanging on to the parts of my life that involve my soul that are a big jumble of a puzzle right now. But deep down, I am so excited to see how Abba works it all out, figures out the puzzle and blows my mind with all he can do.

If I had to name one thing about God that totally rocks my world is the fact that he never gives up on the things he wants to develop in us and he continually is working on the things that I ask him to work on in me. How he just answers prayer like its something he loves to do. One of the things that I've been wanting to see change in me is my interpretation of the important things; I want to learn to not make small things big deals. Also, over the summer, a verse that was totally impressed into my heart was Matthew 6, the one about seeking first the Kingdom and waiting for everything else to follow. It seems at the end of the day, I keep coming back to that passage, but it being paired with the idea that actually procedes it. Check it out:

"For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? "Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? "And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life? "And why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin, yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these. "But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith! "Do not worry then, saying, `What will we eat?' or `What will we drink?' or `What will we wear for clothing?' "For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. "But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. "So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will carefor itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

And also, a verse that has caught my attention twice today:

"This is what the Lord says, 'When seventy years have completed for Baylon, I will come to you and fulfill my gracious promise to bring you back to this place. For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord,' Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,' declares the Lord, ' and will bring you bakc from captivity. I will gather you for all the nations and places where I have banished you, " declares the Lord, ' and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile." Jeremiah 29:10-14

And so God has this great beutiful thing he wants to do. I mean much more to him that his beutiful creations of sparrows and lillies and grasses. He has this amazing plan. All he calls me to do is to sit and his feet, to wait for it, to be patient and see him do his work. That is all he wants from me. Why is it that sometimes the hardest thing to do is not worry? Thats a good question. But i'm just glad to be free from it for tonight, to be free to go into my break rejoicing and ready to see what God has in store next.