one of the things I love the most about Abba is that he is not absent from our lives. I mean, the little things, the life part of life. The little things. The dirty dishes. The walk to work. The dragging yourself out of bed in the morning. And how he doesn't expect us to come up with some sort of "spiritual" wisdom to suppliment the mundane-ness of our lives. He doesn't expect our lives to be above these things. The farthest thing from his heart is the desire that we be something we are not.

It seems that he has been carefully instructing me this summer. He has been forming and shaping me, little by little through the day-to-day places he has called me. One of the ongoing sort of ideas that leads me on in life is this intrugiung idea of taking the breath of life into our very own Jeruselems before thinking in order to be the bigger and better person, we should avoid these places that are usually the hardest to care about "go out unto the nations." I have been intrigued by the idea of lving a missional life in my dorm room, in my hall, in my classes (i've yet to get that one, btw), in my house, in my family, in the grocery store, and this summer my focus has especially been at work.

I can be so easily discouraged. Especially when it come to connecting with other people. So this thing that God has placed in my heart has been especially challenging. But through this experience this summer, I have learned so much. So much about myself, about God, about the people he has placed around me, and how he has wired the nature of relationships. I have been thinking a lot about what it means to really live from the core of your being. To love from the heart that God is forming in me rather than being distraced by all the lies of the enemy. And it has been so refreshing. It is like this spring that bubbles this sense of pure love, this true desire to simply know the beautiful creations God has made my coworkers to be. And it washes out the salt water of lies telling me that I will never be good enough, they will never want to know me, that for me to presume I have the right to be in others' lives is absurd. Its this assurance that the only think I need to check is my heart. Not how things appear or what others might think/ Might being the opperative word. I mean, deep down, isn't there supposed to be this thing in you that knows that people just want to be known and loved anyway.

And so I am learning that all of this takes time and it takes patience. It takes trust and it takes peace. It is so hard for me some days to realize that in the midst of my ordinary, everyday life, God really is at work and that there is something more than just going to work, letting some people release their frustration upon me, coming home, employing my poor microwave cooking skills and then wake up and do it all over again. But when I look at the grand scheme of things, the job that I do all day long, all summer long is so much more than this.

When I applied for my job, my sister said I would be working for the best office on campus. And since about the second day I began, there has been no doubt in my mind how true this is. Sometimes I am shocked becuase at work, even though we work the financial aid office, of all places, it seems that to everyone who is there, it is about so much more than getting the job done. It is about people. It is about knowing each other and being known. Its about the woman who works upstairs knowing my name, even though I may have only spoken to her 3 times. It is about calling with a question about a loan and not getting an answer until I am asked how my day is going. Its about getting together in the backyard and having the biggest barbeque you have ever seen right in the middle of the workday. It is about celebrating birthdays every month without fail. It is about going out to breakfast with the full-time staff to say good-bye when someone leaves. It is about having a question to ask my senior couselor and getting scolded for not saying good morning and how are you before launching into why the loan has not disbursed.

And it causes me to do a heart check when I find that these are not the normal rhythms of my heart usually. It makes me wonder at myself, slightly greived, that I am continually taken aback by the humanity around me. And it makes me think that because we bare the "christian" label, it makes us more right, and we become so preoccupied with being right and acting right that somehow Student Finacial Services can feel more like church to me than anywhere else on earth. Church in the sense that it was intended, that is. I often find myself ashamed becuase I get so caught up in thinking I need to make sure I am doing a flawless job, being the most efficient and then I start to think that it is other people who live in this dry way. And then I am jolted awake by the thrid-rung boss is laughing with my sister and I about how we act with each other is different from other people. I am awakened to a place I did not see God before.

And so I am learning that all of this is a process. I am learning that this loving others thing is not something I do to earn my keep. I do it becuase if I take a moment to hear what is bubbling up from my heart, I find that if I were really honest, I could do nothing less. And I am also learning that I have a long way to go and this is not something I should, or even could, hide.

And so, to end all of this, I just want to say once again, God is so faithful. Yesterday we had a farewell breakfast for one of the full-time staff who is moving away. Students are not typically invited to these things as we usually have class, but as it is summer, we were invited and I knew this was a fantastic opportunity to show my love and support for this coworker as well as an opportunity to know my other coworkers and bosses as people outside of the work context. I debated about whether I wanted to go as I had to wake up extra early as well as pay money for breakfast directly after writing the biggest check I have written in my life for a deposit and rent for my new appartment. And so I prayed, Abba, if this really is from you, I need you to come through. I need you to wake me up. I need you to keep my bike together long enough to get me there. I need you to supply the money I need or something cheap enough to buy without just sitting there with a glass of water. And he was so faithful. Yesterday's breakfast was such a great reminder that we are made for so much more than a job. And, not only was the food at this restaurant well within my budget, my boss bought it for me. And also gave me a ride back to campus. It is such a beautiful thing when we find the strength to obey so that we can really see the love of God. I'm not sure if my retelling of this story really does justice to what it did to my heart, but it has been such a good week. It began with my last post, a little discouraged. But , one day at a time, God came through. And for that, I am thankful.