This is my last day of the week as far as classes are concerned and it seems to have arrived much sooner than I had been anticipating, which is nice considering my head is still a block from the cold epidemic circulating around this city. It is also that week in the semester when the other shoe falls-- I was already so busy, I didn't think I would feel any shift, but somehow I am recognizing that moment in each class where I say to myself, "oh, there's more...."

I quit one job, have anticipating the start of another, and turned down a third. I find myself in a bit of limbo again, searching for that blank space where I say, "here Lord, is my tomorrow, because all is uncertain now." Hopping from stone to stone.

I feel as though this week has also been pretty significant in the number of things that have begun. I started working in the classroom for this semester's education class, this time a little more extensive and I already see myself being challenged. Teaching is an endeavor that takes a lot of personal energy, I am finding, because it consumes so many parts of you as your find yourself face to face with students.


Today, after my field experience, I had to ask myself the question: Do I have what it takes to be a great teacher? I feel as though I have what it takes inside of me to do this thing I am so passionate about, but I just wonder if that stuff is coming out. I believe that as teachers, we are teaching values whether we articulate them with our mouths or not-- our very presence tells students a great deal (and they certainly are watching!). There are many thoughts, feelings, experiences within this bodily frame that make me want to teach more than anything, but the thought of interpreting the internal in external terms is daunting. However will it be done?

Being able to do this takes a lot of risk, I think. It takes a will for vulnerability to turn our insides out, doesn't it? It's one thing to have a professional exterior, but another to find a heart that drives the profession, to be touch with the center. Maybe I'm thinking too hard about it.