Weakness and Fear and Trembling... Paul Had the Same Problem

"When I came to you brothers, I did not come with
eloquence or superior wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God. For I resloved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus
Christ and him crucified. I came to you in weakness and fear, and with much trembling. My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power, so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power."

1 Corinthians 2:1

Paul was afraid too. I've been struggling with my fear in my own life. Since school started on monday, and even before, I've been thinking hard about sharing Christ with my friends and even those who aren't my friends. I want people to know Christ, but it scares me to death to think that i'll be put on the spot to share the actual gospel. Why is that? I know I have not been given the spirit of fear. Is there something wrong with me? I'm okay with living the example and waiting for people to ask me about the hope I have, but that's not really enough is it? People still go to hell whether I'm nice to them or not. They might not ever ask, so what does it mean when it's my turn to bring it up? I'm scared to initiate such a deep, potentially wounding conversation.

But it brings me encouragement to know that even Paul was afraid. He knew he was weak. And he was trembling. And so, I also know there is hope for me too. Even though Paul was scared and he knew that when he got to that point, he wasn't going to know what to say. But he did it anyway. Right now I am facing a crisis of belief. I see where God is moving,now am i going to join him? Am i going to move with him and experience him or stay where i am? Do I trust him to make a way for me,too?

On Sunday, I faced a similar crisis of belief. God was asking me to move with him- to share my weakness with my entire church. And without thinking about anything but letting Jesus move into the center, I slipped into the sidelines. And I was blessed, and people were blessed, and I experienced God there. I took that leap of faith and now I'm on the other side, facing a bigger one.

So now, will I open up my heart and let the Jesus inside of me come out? I'm scared of the ripping and tearing that it will take to open up that hard shell around the tender heart inside, letting people see that light that longs to come out. But then again, Paul came to the Corinthians, the sinful, alone Corinthians knowing nothing more than Christ crucified. Can you imagine? At the height of intelectual importance in our world, where people only thought about thinking, Paul gave it all up. No amount of worldly wisdom could compare to this outcast of a man who died a criminal's death, a man who's followers Paul himself had once made a living matyring and destroying.

Will I give up the pride of all my high school education and popularity and earthly wisdom for knowing nothing more than Jesus Christ and him crucified? First, I have to come to them... despite the weakness
and fear and trembling... so that their faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power.