No, I have not abandoned you all for my new journal, although it is quite lovely. And I have considered sitting down here and writing out something insightful or witty or encouraging, but have not been able to find the actual words to express my current states. I have been waiting. I have felt the need to just wait for quite a while, but only just recently have I begun to actively do it. Just wait.
Every day, I find it incredibly intriguing how the reality of art so closely paralells the innerworkings of the deepest parts of our spiritualities. I have this incredibly deep-thinking (although sometimes considerably creepy as far as artists go) professor for my foundations sculpture class who has this sense of the process of art making. If you are doing well, working through things, he has a habbit of saying, sort of in a soft, thoughtful tone, "Well, you are in a good way." I sometimes just laugh to myself becuase what does that really mean, "to be in a good way," and yet, I get this deep sense that I know exactly what he is saying. I understand what it is to be in a good way--its persevering, quiety working through the daunting task of expression.
I am continually surprised as I slowly delve deeper into my education as an art student (an incredibly noble and lovely position, i might add) that the evaluation of my worth as an artist has less to do with the final product and more to do with the process through which my expression is forged. As my painting instructor observed the other day as she watched my cringe before my most current endeavor "sometimes it seems to get more frustrating before it gets easier." As we finished a large assemblage/construction peice in scultpure, it was almost strange to watch as every student thought their peice was almost completely finished, it was turned upside down or on its side or put in the light and it completely changed. The materials ended up dictating the form. The important thing was not what we had to show for ourselves at critique as far as something to look at, but rather how we grew in the process. I alsways thought that going to art school would be hard becuase my heart and soul would be demanded of me in perfect order in the form of a Rembrandt. But I am now finding more than ever that in art and in life, the thing that matters is the journey. Its about the process. One step at a time. One inhale before the next exhale and so on.
I've been thinking still quite a bit about church lately. And I've been waiting. I've been breathing. One breath in. The next breath out. Both eyes open. Waiting. Anticipating. Learning. Seeking. And as I sat quiet, whispering to Abba my anxieties, my exhaustion, he just spoke into me. What if the destination isn't a church? What if the destination...
One of the things that has been eating me the most is this debate between whether or not this so-called salvation is more about being saved from something (usually this formulated idea of Hell) or being saved to something (the kingdom of God begins now). And I have sat here writing all this, it has occured to me, its this same idea about destination. OUR GOD IS A JOURNEY GOD. How concerned is he about the destination-- which most of us assume is this idealised sort of heaven-- in comparison to the winding journey he wants to take with us, one step at a time, beginning today.
So I'm waiting. Maybe I'm learning to stop posting about destinations and will begin exhaling the breath of the journey instead.
Every day, I find it incredibly intriguing how the reality of art so closely paralells the innerworkings of the deepest parts of our spiritualities. I have this incredibly deep-thinking (although sometimes considerably creepy as far as artists go) professor for my foundations sculpture class who has this sense of the process of art making. If you are doing well, working through things, he has a habbit of saying, sort of in a soft, thoughtful tone, "Well, you are in a good way." I sometimes just laugh to myself becuase what does that really mean, "to be in a good way," and yet, I get this deep sense that I know exactly what he is saying. I understand what it is to be in a good way--its persevering, quiety working through the daunting task of expression.
I am continually surprised as I slowly delve deeper into my education as an art student (an incredibly noble and lovely position, i might add) that the evaluation of my worth as an artist has less to do with the final product and more to do with the process through which my expression is forged. As my painting instructor observed the other day as she watched my cringe before my most current endeavor "sometimes it seems to get more frustrating before it gets easier." As we finished a large assemblage/construction peice in scultpure, it was almost strange to watch as every student thought their peice was almost completely finished, it was turned upside down or on its side or put in the light and it completely changed. The materials ended up dictating the form. The important thing was not what we had to show for ourselves at critique as far as something to look at, but rather how we grew in the process. I alsways thought that going to art school would be hard becuase my heart and soul would be demanded of me in perfect order in the form of a Rembrandt. But I am now finding more than ever that in art and in life, the thing that matters is the journey. Its about the process. One step at a time. One inhale before the next exhale and so on.
I've been thinking still quite a bit about church lately. And I've been waiting. I've been breathing. One breath in. The next breath out. Both eyes open. Waiting. Anticipating. Learning. Seeking. And as I sat quiet, whispering to Abba my anxieties, my exhaustion, he just spoke into me. What if the destination isn't a church? What if the destination...
One of the things that has been eating me the most is this debate between whether or not this so-called salvation is more about being saved from something (usually this formulated idea of Hell) or being saved to something (the kingdom of God begins now). And I have sat here writing all this, it has occured to me, its this same idea about destination. OUR GOD IS A JOURNEY GOD. How concerned is he about the destination-- which most of us assume is this idealised sort of heaven-- in comparison to the winding journey he wants to take with us, one step at a time, beginning today.
So I'm waiting. Maybe I'm learning to stop posting about destinations and will begin exhaling the breath of the journey instead.
*David Bales & Ted Orland in "Art and Fear; Observations on the Perils (and Rewards) of ARTMAKING"
1 comment:
heidi- you should really read this book called "Walking on Water: Reflections on Faith and Art"
by Madeleine L'Engle. It is really good. If you give me your address I will send it to. I read it for a class and I dont even think of myself as an artist and I really liked it.
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