In my alarm I said,
"I am cut off from your sight!"
Yet you heard my cry for mercy
When I called to you for help

I think if someone were to ask me how I am today, the most appropriate response would be "buried." I feel like it has been a long time since I did all the things that I used to do, its been a long time since my life was how it used to be. The last few weeks have been spent searching for housing and roommates and classes and plans and wisdom and peace and breath. But I think I have most definately stopped searching for constancy. I think I know why they say the only thing you can count on is change. Amen to whoever thought of that one.

And I think tonight as I sat down to cram in some more studying, it occured to me how afraid I feel. How all of this is such hard work and how everything is so uncertain and yet decisions are breathing down my neck. It seems nearly impossible not to worry. It seems impossible to see myself after these decisions are made. Hard to see where this road is leading and I am tempted to cry out "Where are you in all of this? Have you lost sight of me or have I just lost sight of you?"

Sometimes it seems that all I have to complete is so far in the future and at the same time, it seems to be staring me down like the barrel of a gun. I look around this tiny room that I share with a stranger and more than anything long to be free of it and then for a split second I also want to cling to its immediate security. And I want to ask, Have you lost sight of me or have I just lost sight of you?

I sought the Lord and he answered me;
He delivered me from all my fears
Those who look to him are radiant;
Their faces are never covered with same
This poor man called, and the Lord heard him;
He saved him out of all his troubles
The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him
And he delivers them

Taste and see that the Lord is good;
Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him
Fear the Lord, you his saints,
For those how fear him lack nothing
The lions may grow weak and hungry.
but thos who seek the Lord lack no good thing...

This whole experience, or maybe this whole semester, seems to be such a big lesson in trusting that God really has something better, that he really is leading me somewhere, no matter how strange it looks and how little sense it makes. And so I go forth in hope...

For those of you reading this, please have me in your prayers that God would give me the neccessary hope and faith in this stressful situation, that he would continue to provide a place for me a to live, that he would continue to lead me down this road of darkness, this road of unkowns...