giving myself away

So I made this goal for the month of july to keep all of my reciepts and at the end of the month to take an inventory on all the things I really spend my money on since I get this sense that I really have no sense when it comes to budgeting and it becomes a major burden for me. So I did it. And so yesterday I wrote everything down and added it all up and I was happy to find that I did not in fact spend more money than I made, in fact I did a good job of saving some and being reasonable about my expenses, but I noticed on thing.

I don't give away very much. I mean really. I feel sort of shameful for admitting such a thing, but it is true. I am stingy. Its true. And I think a big part of that is that I feel so unsure about my budgeting practices, but nevertheless, I find this to be an issue in my life that I would like to remedy. Why is money so hard? I feel like it would be easier if I had someone to help me, to guide me, to tell me what is reasonable and to help me do something just so that I feel like I have some boundaries and control... anyone?

But yes, the point of this post. I realized I need to give myself away a bit more. I have a hard time balancing time alone, time with people, time serving others, time when I need someone to serve me. But this is something I find myself challenged by. I want to learn to be able to make more sacrifices for service, whether it be sacrificing my pride, sacrificing my money, sacrificing my time, sacrificinig my shyness, sacrificing my fears, sacrificing what is fair. I don't think we understand sacrifice very well here in america.

But in these past few months that God has been rapping upon my heart about sacrifice, I have learned that it really is worth it. Whenever I get to that place where I think to myself I really just don't want to, it helps me to refocus and realize, yes, this is a sacrifice, but it is so worth it. Those sacrifice things are the things that hit you deep in the soul and make you feel like you are digging your hand deep down into the barrel of the Kingdom.

So I live in a condo-- there are people all around me that I need to get out and meet. The other night my sister and I spent the night making banana bread. Taking that time out of my precious hours away from work felt so good to sacrifice, and now I need to take the time to actively take it up the stairs and down the stairs and around the corner. I'll tell you how it goes...