I feel like my life has taken on a new sort of heaviness these past few weeks. Like I have sort of lost myself in this ddep abyss. These past few days especially have been hard. Very concentrated. I realized something deep about myself tonight. Or rather, I was able to admit something very true that I have known for a long long time to someone else. I commited a struggle to someone else and it felt so good. But it also felt very deep. Like digging in beside the knife and seeing the blood down there. I don't think this is the appropraite place to talk overly specifically, but I think I have found a deeper hole. A hole beneath the hole. And so I find myself in this place that is not me but still all too familiar. but it is so good to know that someone else knows. someone knows the burden I have felt I must carry alone for so long. And I don't know where this is leading, but i think dark tunnels are not dark for no reason. And they are tunnels for reasons. There must be light at the end. And it is okay for me today not to be myself. I need that freedom. So here I am.