Friday. So the week is over, although it doesn't feel much like a friday and it is hard really to figure out what day it is altogether. But I've been here five days and I can't decide on just one word to describe it. New. Exciting. Boring. Peaceful. Relaxing. Interesting. Educational. Nervewracking. Quiet. Lonely. Hopeful. Full of new experiences. I am learning that I am not a person who likes to sit for too long. I am also learning that I can do just about anything I want to do, but the key is the wanting. I went rock climbing for the first time the other day and at first I hated it. I was nervous, afriad, insecure about what my body could do and whether or not I really wanted to find out. I wanted to quit a little more than halfway up the first climb I tried, but I realized that it was more of a conversation I was having with myself about whether or not I really wanted to reach the top. Was it really worth it to me? I think as I hung there, the answer was no. But it was apparent that they were not gonig to let me down until I reached the top, so what else could I do? So it became a matter that in order to come down, I must go up. So I reached the top. And it was thrilling. The feeling you get knowing that you overcome the challenge. Learning that your leg really does stretch that way and you have more arm strength than you thought you did, even when they are burning with ache. This week I have learned that if there are things that I want, I must have the courage to seek them out. The thing about climbing is that you have to learn to trust the rope. You have to trust that even if you try something and you slip, there is something holding you-- you have nothing to loose. And so you become fearless, free of any hindrance to explore the possibilities. This week it was a little risky even leaving the neighborhood with the possibility of getting lost amid houses and mailboxes and cul-de-sacs. But I am learning that you have to even take those risks. I've been thinking a lot about how Jesus said we have to be willing to loose our life to find it. I have been facinated with that verse for quite a while, but it has been especially on my mind this week. thinking about the semester that lies before me. Learning to let go of my life, my security, letting go of what I know in pursuit of what I cannot even imagine. Putting the seed in the ground and allowing it to die. I hope someday I will be known as one who is not afraid to put the seeds in the ground. Someday. I am also coming to realize that this really is an opportunity just to do the things that I have always wanted to do with myself but have been afraid to do. The things that I allowed myself to be held back from because of self-conscious fear of what people would say or think. There are people to learn from out there that are just waiting to be asked. People to be met and loved if I have the courage to take hold of them. Learning to be intentional and persistent. To do what needs to be done, to be honest about the things that have been hiding. Nothing has really started yet. I've had a few meetings, met a few people, but mostly I have spent my days exploring this new place. Figuring out what sort of produce I can buy at Albertsons, where to park in the city and how much I should put in the meter. It helps a lot that the people here are so friendly. Maybe it is all in my head, but I just feel like I could walk up to anyone here and have a great conversation about anything. Maybe it's just my state of mind. Either way, it gives you much joy. It takes away a great deal of the fears that keep me from really being love to those around me. Maybe it is just the freedom of being away from home, away from all the baggage and the stigmas and the pain that I grew up with. Everything is new, everything is clean. I just am who I am. This young woman. This student. This person. I am not a powerless child at the mercy of others. I am not the powerless child that I often feel like at home. No one overshadows me. No one looking at me telling me I have to be the little sister, the eighth grader, the freshman, the wannabe artist that has no place thinking of herself as real talent. I can be a young person seeking all the beauty in the world, exploring being an artist, being a creator. And I love it. Sometimes I wake up feeling nervous about all that I don't know or how I feel held back. but it doesn't take me long to realize that this is my day. My opportunity to be what I want to be. To seek out the purpose that Abba had for me when he created me. How he see's me as his child, but not in a subordinate way, but in a caring way. I am not his child so that he can dominate me with his authority, but so he can take care of me, to wrap me in his arms and love me. There is something quite lovely about that. I have a feeling that I might be a bit of a different person when I return home. Just a little. maybe.