"There is something mysterious about ontentment." I steal this quote from my sister becuae I think it is strangely beautifully and fitting. I agree. Contentment. It has been on my mind and sinking into my heart today. Contentment. Seeking a trust that who I am today is enough and the things that I am doing today are enough-- even if they are just everyday things. There is a sense of peace in that. Just being okay with that. Patience. I keep hearing that word reverberate through my head. Simply learning to slow down and wait-- maybe to gain enough barings to take the next steps. IT seems hard to follow a straight path when we are spinning in circles in pursuit of it.

Contentment with the fact that there are answers that I just don't have. I think I keep expecting people to ask me to nail down everything that is going on inside of me and everything that I am struggling with and the honest truth is that there are no nails. There are no hammers. Maybe no board either. Things just are. And maybe someday the wrods will come and maybe someday they won't. But in the meantime I am listening for them.

But today I am working on contentment. I have been working on finishing "Everything Belongs," and the chapter I have left off on is called, "Don't push the river." I haven't bitten into the chapter yet, but I've just been meditating on that title. I'm sure Rohr would be proud of my contemplative endeavor. haha. So Contentment. Seeking what I know and allowing grace to cover the rest. REST. Something quite soothing there, I must say. I think in contentment, there is no room for fear of the future, no fear of what others will think or say tomorrow. No fear of what I will say tomorrow. they say "Godliness with contenement is great gain." I think "they" might be right. Something mysterious about it, huh?.... So on to tomorrow.

Abba, thank you for peace. I realized that I haven't ended a great deal of posts like this. I suddenly miss it. But thank you Lord, for peace for today. Thank you for time simply to enjoy class today-- that was a sweet gift. Thank you for a released pressure there and an opportunity to sort through this giant mess. Lord, thank you for people who are pushing for me, people who are routing for me, people who are getting other people angry on my account. Lord, thank you for frustration and anger, for a surfacing of all the puss and boils. Abba, thank you that you aren't counting our change at the end of the day and you aren't measuring our stature and wagging your finger. Thank you for your grace in the times that I do not feel like I am enough. THank you simply for opportunities to celebrate and enjoy you apart from the fears of what we ought to be doing or what others are saying or thinking about us. Thank you for green grass and red bricks and good books on warm days under tall trees. Thank you for cities, for cars, and tall buildings. Thank you for bringing me to this place, this new scenery. Thank you for the quiet of wilderness, the wind rushing through the willows and tall grasses. Thank you for great expanses of sky over vast stretching meadows. Thank you that you never loose patience with me even when I loose patience with me... and sometimes you. Abba, thank you that you are providing for things like haircuts and lattes and that you are a God of dreams and creativity and aspirations. Thank you that you are a God of love, a God of simple pleasures, a God of beauty found in the quiet of the mundane. Thank you that you never give up on my even when I forget to be thankful for all of this, that you still have mercy on me when I am scowling for a full 24 hours. Thank you for good friends, for people whose hearts mingle with mine. Thank you for art, but thank you even more that you would never let go of me if there were never any of it. Thank you that our lives are bigger than what we can acheive or produce and that you are a God of care-- that you are never stingy with your care for us. That your arms have no limit and your embrace has no end. Abba, I thank you for your rest when I fall and when I doubt and when I am shamed and afraid. Thank you that you are never a God a condemns, but a God who would do anything to get us back into your arms. That you are a pursuer and you are enough. You are enough. In your beauty, you are enough for me. Abba, please forgive me for my anger, for my doubt, for my taking liscence to hate that is not mine. Forgive me for my brokenness, my desire to be the first, the best, the god. Please forgive me for putting myself on the throne that belongs to you. Forgive me for my pride. Forgive me for simply not understanding and for trying to be something other than a child. becuase that is what I am. I want to honestly say, "my life belongs to you." So Abba, please, take it from me. I'm tired of spending all my time and energy on fulfilling myself. Take me and use me. Use this time, I beg you. Take me. Show me again what it means to die so that you can bring new life out of me. New breath.