torn

I am feeling very divided... quite torn. As each day brings me closer to going home, I anticipate it a little more while at the same time forget that being there means giving up all I have here. As I sit here at my desk tonight I realize that although I will be near to the familiarities of home again and the people I so deeply miss, it means I will be far from the community I have here. All the people I see every day, the things that have become so much my life will be far away. Divided by the simple entity of physical space. I'm not sure it has sunk in until now. And not to say that I dwell on either place, but the simple preparation is turning out to be fairly heartwrenching. And to be honest, I'm not really willing or ready to fully go there to realize the full reality. I let it remain somewhere out there, someplace in the future. But I am beginning to sense the oncoming heartbreak of saying goodbye again. Dang it...