As I was putting away my paints
The sun was getting out his
Preparing to set
I pedaled my bike home
As the trees threw cool blue shadows
across the warm gray sidewalk
sparkling in the champagne sunlight

I rode up the hill twice today
Burning muscles pushing against the gravity

I whispered under my breath on Friday
Asking for a friend
I thought no one would hear
Impossible request
But there she was
"I love your bag,"
she says. Just like that.
And on monday
Plop down in the next seat
hi.
And I remembered intimacy
Letting in strangers
The walls

I stood there today
Four hours straight
A-shaped legs
Stroke after stroke
Hoping
things might come together
(the reds and greens)
Wondering
How people become friends
Letting each other in

I saw an old friend today.
A genuine friend
Same room
Different class
different world

I wondered how things
in theory
Seem so simple
But in reality
become so complicated
Convoluted
Over-analysis for the unclear

I pedaled home in the half-twilight that is still falling
And thought about
An artist statement
And someone who once said
Trust in the Lord
With all your heart
Lean not on your own
Understanding

I read some words on a sheet of typing paper
"I called the lady"
he said,
"And said I needed to study art.
And give up all financial security"
He wrote the word God
Three times
Taped it on the wall
Right there
Where everyone could see it

And I began to wonder
Why I don't say things like that outloud
if they are true.

I suppose I wonder
If when I say
GOD
people will color in the lines with the wrong color
get the wrong idea
We all have our own images
So I tell myself
I'd rather use a picture
Accurate to my heart
Than some pop culture icon
Dirtied with blood and greed

Or maybe I really am ashamed

But I'm not sure how much
the name
The label
the language
matters
I'm not defending someone
who might melt without defense

But still
I pedaled that brown frame
Hard against gravity
Wondering
Trust
Financial Security
"God"
Insecurity
echoing off my mind

And I don't know much about tomorrow
All I have is this twilight
Clutching
Holding on, hoping
seeking a kingdom
warm with the touch
A lover
a Provider
One who knows all so well
But is simply calling me deeper
into warm arms
Today
in the midst of the twilight
Getting out its paints
Preparing to move forward
Hoping something would come together
(the red and the green).