mixed

I feel full of emotion tonight. Like something in me wants to burst, something dripping, spilling, or maybe just full to the brim-- thick like syrup. I feel heavy and I feel light all at once. I feel like rejoicing and also like crying out. I want to cry hOw?! Why? what.... Thank you. Change me. Move me. Rock me, sing me to sleep. In awe, yet asking for wonder. question eyes. How will I untangle all of this? Tomorrow another day. Another day exploring in the great abyss of quiet solitude. Life is good, but proves a great challenge. Hurt and doing what I can to heal. Holding longings in a cup heavy with expectation and pressure to pour them out. To watch them splash to the ground, penetrating the soil and watching new life spring new and green. Feeling a little trampled, invisible but still searching for words. Invisible. See-through and unsure of what color to paint the transparency. Red or blue? What is the compliment? Getting little tastes of doing that which I love, hoping for more, but unsure how to procede. Little tastes-- like small drops of sugar on your oustretched tongue with the empty bottle in full view. Being far and learning what I really love.... mixed.