I am feeling a lot more at peace today. Things are what they are. I realized as I began my day today that there are a lot of anxieties and fears that I just needed to give over-- to give up the control, areas that my hands were removed. And that feels really good. To know that it is in fact not up to me.

Something that I have been observing is that goodbyes seem to actually strengthen relationships. They test their strength. It is that place of tension when how you really feel begins to come out. The moment, the opportunity, the spot that you have to say it outloud. "Trial by fire"as they say. The intensity of the heat refines, it forges new ground. Maybe that is why they are so painful. It brings out the pogniant reality that gets turned under the soil of the day-to-day. Everything becomes raw.

I had forgotten about a lot of trust issues. And I got a good reminder today. Just trust. That and the reminder just to keep on loving. Love with everything, be honest and bare the risky truth of love and that will be enough. I think that is really what I am searching for. Taking those big, long steps to expose the affection I am so quick to hide.

So I am feeling quite a bit more peace today.