It's a cool night after a day of calm. Sort of quiet processing, more moving through boxes, putting things in order. Cooling down after some painful conversation. Getting my bearing after things stop spinning a little.

Classes start on Monday. Students are moving into the dorms. New ID. New text books. New bus pass. Finding classes, filling out forms. The buzz of campus maintenance as they finish up last minute upgrades from the slow summer. Seeing old friends, recognizing classmates from semesters ago. Bouquets of sharpened pencils, as they say.

The weather here is cooling down-- my afternoon thundershowers have returned to me with their navy blue skies, crackling thunder and illuminating lightning. Experiencing a new way of life in an old place.

Job interviews and solidified realizations of what it is that I really want. Understanding the power of my own active choice. I have the power to decide how my life will be, who I will meet and who I will allow to influence me.

Making choices that don't always make sense. Picking out a lifestyle that may be misunderstood but rooted in convictions that go so much deeper than articulation allows. Having the power to say no to the things that are safe and search for the things that really matter. Finding security in something outside of how things appear. Waiting, holding out for what it is that I really want. Choosing my battles and making sacrifices for the things that are truly worth love.

Learning to stop throwing my pearls before swine. Fearlessly looking into the eyes of someone else and saying how I really feel. Saying "I love you" to the people I actually do love and not feeling obligated to say it to anyone else.

Standing up for myself. Sometimes standing up for myself to myself. Smiling at myself. Smiling at others. Feeling a part of something instead of on the outside. Choosing belonging and keeping it that way.

New starts, new beginning. Plunging through more ground, clearing more of the woods. Getting all scratched up while breathing in deep. Deep breath. Deep breath.

ANd then also feeling so very, so incredibly loved by those far away. Words of "I miss you--" spelled out as "It didn't seem right that you weren't there..." Feels deep and good. Love that only makes me want to pass it on. A dark blue contrast to pressure to commit instead of simply freedom to love.

Its a cool night after the depth of heat-- the sweat pouring down my back.