Today is friday. My last day at Big City. Nothing fancy. Not even the regular people I usually work with. Got a nice big paycheck. That was sweet. I was already over it before I went in at seven this morning, so I'm glad that is done. Got an email about a new job really close to my new (!) apartment this afternoon. {fingers crossed, eyes squeezed real hard shut}. Said a lot of real hard (maybe the hardest) goodbyes yesterday. Gave some gifts and cards to say thanks that I know were special to a lot of people (that feels good).

Last night I went to sleep (curled up in a sad little ball) thinking how nice it would be if someone could just say something that would make it easier, if someone would just say the right words to make it feel better. And this morning I realized what I need is to be let go of. And I need to let go too. I need to let me go and I need those who love me the most let go too. We all need to have a little trust that there really is something good ahead, even if things are changing.

So today was my last day at work. I didn't really care. I'm tired. I'm really tired. I'm exhausted and don't want to handle very much. So I'm letting go. I'm getting excited. New furniture. New paint colors. New jobs. New friends. New hobbies. (camping trips! :D I can't seem to make a big enough smiley face for that).

I'm looking forward to seeing my little sister again, to feel her chubby little (or not so little anymore) arms around my arms, squeezing, squeezing me like a penguin wrapped with a rubber band.
I am looking forward to HUGE family parties where I can wear a skirt and heels and then take off the heels and swing little kids around and eat lots of food and get in my mom's way and be really bored. Sitting around the dining room table picking at crumbs while I listen to my gossip and make bad jokes and laugh really really loud.
I am looking forward to family meals with good friends and cousins while their kids run around like maniacs.
I am looking forward to the grocery store-- you know, the real ones like Safeway and Sunflower ( yay sunflower!)
I am looking forward to the Alley Cat open all night
Looking forward to lecture halls and the wierd olive green and faded yellow that is campus
Looking forward to Bike Riding!
Looking forward to The Bean Cycle and catching up with old Friends
MOCA-- all the latest art for free!
Looking forward to the ugliest and dearest, most precious building on campus based on a mine shaft
The wierd waffley-things on the outside of the windows on the big buildings
Morgan, my friend who gives me all the books I want
I'm looking forward to actually taking advantage of the gym
Looking forward to eating off plates that don't match and drinking from mason jars on my fantastic little $17 dining room table with the square edges and elegant little molded curves
Looking forward to cooking dinner with an old and dear friend (but never again that Potato soup, darling ;) )
I'm looking forward to seeing my big painting again and giving it a new home.
The drive down I-25, with its impenetrable but breathtaking wall to the west
I'm looking forward to loving the outdoors more, taking more trips to enjoy home
I'm looking forward to being able to ride my bike anywhere
Looking forward to staying out at all hours doing crazy things that students do
I am looking forward to knowing that I have such a wonderful family here still, waiting and cheering me on, seeing how those relationships grow from 800 miles away.
I'm looking forward to seeing how things have changed for the better and struggling through the things that still suck.
I'm looking forward to being home but knowing that I will always have a home here too.

And that, my friends is a wonderful feeling!

Thanks everybody, for being a part of this journey. I was thinking this afternoon as I make my last California Sandwich before putting it in a to-go box to take home-- I never really imagined what this day would be like, but I don't think I would have thought that it would have felt like this. I've reached the end of the time I said I would take. I did it! I did it! Or rather.. someone else did it and I just got to come along for the ride. And now, now, I stand in a place where I know less about what my future holds that ever before (or else what I thought I knew about the future before). But I feel so loved from both sides, and that is such a blessing. So surrounded. Thanks for those of you here in Idaho who have grown to surround me in the love that you do-- thank you for flattering me in making it so hard to leave. Thanks to you guys who are at home, waiting with open arms for me to come back. Thanks for letting go of me, giving me up for these months-- for "sharing" me. I'm not sure how to say how unworthy I am. So thanks. I look forward to see what each of these friendships hold. Can't wait to find out...